There’s no hiding it, no denying it, and no way to rationalize it in any way whatsoever, but I have a sick confession: I am OBSESSED with midgets!! Anyone that is in regular contact with me has probably heard a few comments here and there but nothing to the extent of what I am about to unleash now. I have no way of pinpointing when this perverse obsession started, but I can not get enough of those cute, little freaks!! Honestly, I don’t give a crap about being politically correct with my terminology either. I mean really, what’s correct about politics in the first place? Midgets, Little People, Lollypop Guild, Wee Ones, Fun Sized. Whatever you want to call them, I call them awesome!! Over Christmas I happened to be in Wal-Mart, and right as I was at the cashier to pay, I looked up and there was my very own little nugget of Christmas joy, sitting on a bench next to a huge, lit-up tree! I was so excited I wanted to take a picture, but didn’t want to be offensive. It was as though Santa delivered to my sight my very own Christmas elf!!
I have sick fantasies of dressing them up in costumes and posing them into different scenarios in my front yard. Can you imagine a life-sized Chess board with them dressed up as the pieces?! Or little living garden gnomes that yell obscenities at my neighbors!! I’d love to strap one into a car seat next to my daughter’s so she has a playmate, or carry one around in a Baby Bjorn to go shopping or to the park! I even imagine that if you were to kick one it would bounce and roll merrily along, letting out a gleeful “WEEE!!!” as it went! The possibilities are endless!! Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not trying to rob them of their dignity here. I have the utmost respect for their pint-sized ferocity and even though they may have an ankle biter, Chucky-like similarity to Cabbage Patch Kids, they sure are cute little buggers and I just can’t seem to get enough!!
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